Bleach & Kenkaku no Kenkon Crossover
by Half-Wit Ed-Boy
Summary: A one-shot crossover I did over the summer for a small competition for a writing group I'm a part of. Ichigo is forced to take care of an unwanted house guest by Soul Society, as well as juggle his other responsibilities as both a high school student and a substitute Shinigami.


**Author's note: I doubt I'll ever continue this, but I'm going to keep it open just in case. This was written for a writing contest in which I take characters from an original story and cross them over with a pre-produced anime/manga canon. Our writing group pre-assigned different anime/manga series, and I got Bleach! Enjoy the fruits of my labor! It got me second place somehow…**

Bang! Bang! Bang!

The orange-haired teenager lying in his bed rolled over, awoken by the loud noise. He groggily looked out his window; rain was beating against the window and everything outside. The teen glanced at the digital clock on his nightstand. It was six thirty in the morning on a Sunday, not an appropriate time for anyone to be stirring. He quickly forgot about the banging that had awoken him, pulled the covers over his head, and went back to sleep.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

The noise started again, however this time it was loud enough to shake his whole bedroom. The lamp on his nightstand jumped off into the floor and picture frames jarred against the walls they hung from.

"Ichigooo!" A voice yelled from somewhere in the teenager's room screamed. A stuffed lion climbed on top of his bed and jerked the covers off him. "I can't take it anymore!" He screamed. "Ichigo," the teenager, rolled over on his back and raised his head to look at the living stuffed animal.

"What is it, Kon?" He asked groggily.

"It's that monster chick! She's banging on the ceiling! How the hell am I supposed to sleep when she's making all that racket!?"

The noise continued. Each "bang" caused more and more damage. Cracks began to form along the walls, spreading with each blow, and the floor boards were knocked loose.

"What the hell?" Ichigo asked himself groggily, planting his feet on the floor. He put on a wadded-up t-shirt he found on the floor and stepped outside his room, only to be met with the end of a broomstick busting up through the floor. "What the hell!?" He yelled in surprise, now fully awake.

The broomstick disappeared into the new hole in Ichigo's floor, however the hole closed up with debris, keeping him from identifying the cause of the destruction. He ran down the hall as the banging continued, dodging falling picture frames and furniture that had been knocked over. Ichigo sprinted down the stairs and into the kitchen, where he found the source of all this chaos. There was a girl with very long, spiky, messy hair standing on the kitchen table, knocking holes in the ceiling with a wooden broom.

"Yeah, I figured it was you…" Ichigo muttered. The girl noticed him and stopped what she was doing.

"Good morning, orange-hair!" She said warmly, wagging the tip of her long, brown tail.

"What the hell are you doing!? You're tearing the house apart!" Ichigo screamed. "And my name is Ichigo…"

"Don't you hear it?" She asked.

The room went quiet as Ichigo listened for a second, but could hear nothing but the sound of rain beating against the roof of the house.

"What am I supposed to be listening for?" Ichigo asked her.

"Someone's dumping rocks on the house, silly!" The tailed girl replied.

"And what does that have to do with you knocking holes in the ceiling?"

"I'm trying to make them stop! People are trying to sleep!"

"Carrie, that's rain. Didn't you see it raining outside?"

"Carrie," this girl was called, gave the orange-haired teen a puzzled look and turned around to look at the large, glass, kitchen doors to her right. She stared outside, watching the rain fall from the sky.

After what seemed like hours, she turned back to Ichigo and asked, "What's rain?"

"It's water that falls from the sky," Ichigo answered flatly. He was used to these kinds of questions. She had been staying with them since Friday afternoon and had not stopped asking questions since she arrived.

"Oh, I thought it was you outside, watering the yard."

"We don't water our yard. The rain does that for us. And why the hell would I be outside this early in the morning when it's Sunday!?"

"Sun…day?" Carrie asked, still giving Ichigo her usual blank, puzzled look.

Ichigo put his hands over his forehead and moaned. It was going to be another long day. All she had done since Soul Society ordered him to watch her is ask weird questions, break stuff, and eat. _Everything_! Everything in the house that wasn't made of stone or metal was either riddled with bite marks from Carrie trying to "taste" everything, or had pieces missing from where she had actually succeeded in taking a bite out of it when no one was around to scold her for it.

"ICHIGOOOO!" A loud, gruff male voice screamed, followed by a man dressed in white scrubs flying across the room, feet first, at Ichigo's head. His feet planted themselves firmly in the side of Ichigo's skull on impact, sending him flying across the room. The man landed flatly on his feet and glared angrily at the boy. His face was covered in scraggily peach-fuzz and he wore a name badge on his shirt that read "Dr. Kurosaki."

"You let your guard down again…" He said. "You're getting sloppy! Also, I need you to stop pouring rocks on the roof! You're disturbing our guest!" Ichigo, now even angrier than before, snapped to his feet and got in the man's face.

"It's rain!" He screamed. "Why the hell would I be on the roof pouring rocks this early in the morning!? That doesn't make any sense! Didn't you even bother look outside?"

The man glanced outside, and then turned back to the boy. "I thought you turned the sprinklers on…"

Without hesitation, Ichigo punched the man square in the face. "I can't believe I'm your son! How the fuck could you be so stupid!? We don't even have sprinklers!" The two of them broke into a huge fist fight, both of them flinging punches and kicks at each other furiously. Carrie merely laughed at them.

"What's with all the racket?" A black-haired younger girl asked, stepping into the kitchen behind Ichigo and his dad, followed by a same-sized orange-headed girl.

"Stop fighting you two!" The orange-headed girl yelled at Ichigo and his dad.

"Sorry we woke you," Mr. Kurosaki said as he sat on his son and forced his left leg over his shoulder. "I was just teaching Ichigo a lesson about manners! He seems to have forgotten we have a guest in the house!"

Ichigo kicked his dad off him with his free leg, but his dad countered with a kick of his own. Ichigo blocked it with a chair, then punched his dad in the face, sending him flying into the living room.  
The three girls stared after the man, looking to see if he was okay. Mr. Kurosaki crawled out from underneath the couch he crashed into, then looked at his family with a dazed look on his face. He grinned, and gave them a thumbs-up.

"Good job, son! That's my boy!"

"Ugh, you guys are so weird…" The black-haired girl said.

"That looked fun, can I play, too?" Carrie asked.

The five of them quickly settled down and moved on to breakfast. In the Kurosaki household, it was a rule for everyone to sit at the table for meals when a guest was present, so everyone sat at the table that morning for breakfast. As usual, the orange-haired girl, Yuzu, cooked everyone a standard breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast. However, the guest, decided to add something extra to her breakfast, the broom handle from earlier.

"Carrie!" Ichigo yelled at her. He snatched the broom just as she took a bite out of the end of it. At first she seemed to enjoy her woody, crunchy appetizer, but spat it out after noticing her tongue was covered in splinters from the handle. "Serves you right," he said, leaning the broom against the wall.

"Ichigo, I have a few things I need you to do today," Mr. Kurosaki said, wolfing down a bacon strip. "There's a lot of work that needs to be done around the house, and I need you to take care of it for my while I'm minding the clinic."

"Dad, it's pouring rain outside! And you haven't had a patient in weeks…."

"Nonsense! I had Miss Carrie just yesterday! Don't you remember when the shelf fell on top of her?"

"That's because she had bitten off a piece of the leg before trying to climb it…"

"How dare you accuse our guest of such a thing!?" Mr. Kurosaki yelled, slamming his chopsticks on the table. "It was obviously a rat that gnawed off that piece!"

"A rat doesn't leave bite marks that big, hell they don't go around gnawing on everything! Carrie's been trying to eat everything she gets her hands on! Haven't you noticed it?" Ichigo pointed at Carrie, who tried to take a bite out of her plate.

"Really? I thought Karin had started teething again…"

The black-haired girl, Karin, merely said, "Please," and finished her toast.

"You know dad, you're right! You will have a patient today…" Ichigo said, grinning.

"Really? Who?"

"Yeah, an Isshin Kurosaki called me after I woke up and said he needed to get his head examined!" Ichigo was answered with a plate of food thrown at his face.

"Don't fight at the table, you two!" Yuzu scolded, waving a spoon at them.

"I'm gonna go back to bed," Karin said, leaving the table and putting her plate and chopsticks in the sink. "Dad's turn to do dishes!"

"No fair!" Mr. Kurosaki wailed.

"So, Carrie," Yuzu said. "Do you like the food?"

Carrie didn't answer. Her face was shoved in her plate, and her mouth was full of food.

"Now that's how you eat breakfast!" Mr. Kurosaki exclaimed. He threw his chopsticks over his shoulder and started shoveling his food into his mouth.

"Carrie!" Ichigo said, tapping her on the shoulder. Carrie immediately stopped and looked at him, her face and hair covered in egg and grease from the bacon.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Did you want some?" Carrie offered Ichigo the last scraps of food in her plate, all covered in what looked like clear mucous.

"No, thanks… Look, I don't know if you know what table manners are, but here on Earth, we eat with these." Ichigo picked up a pair of plastic sticks lying beside Carrie's plate. "These are called 'chopsticks.' You hold them like this and use them to eat with." He placed the chopsticks in the girl's fingers. "You use the top stick to grab your food."

"Like a claw!" Carrie cried, moving her finger up and down, opening and closing the chopsticks with loud snapping noises.

"Right. Now try eating with those. You need to act as normal as possible when you start school tomorrow."

But Carrie paid no heed to Ichigo and just kept snapping her chopsticks and making monster noises. "Grah! I'm the claw!" She growled, playing with her chopsticks.

"This is going to take a while…." Ichigo moaned, as Carrie kept playing with her chopsticks.

"Oh, about those repairs…" Isshin said, "The banister for the stairs needs to be sanded down, so those bite marks don't show as bad. Also, that table with the vase fell over earlier this morning, so there's broken glass everywhere. And the ceiling needs repaired."

Ichigo glared at his dad. "What about my research paper? I need to retype it after Carrie had it for a snack yesterday!"

"You'll have time to do that after supper tonight." Ichigo just kept glaring angrily at his dad, ready to start another fight. However, before either could throw a single punch, they heard a loud crash.

"Oopsie!" A familiar voice said. The three of them looked to the front door to see Carrie standing there, holding the front door in her hand; she had torn it off the hinges trying to open it.

"And you need to fix that," Ichigo's dad said, shoveling egg in his mouth. "Just put it back the way you had it, Carrie. Ichigo can fix it later!"

"Okay," Carrie answered, pushing open the screen door and going out into the rain.

Ichigo sighed and just answered with a tired, "Yeah, yeah…." Ichigo then realized that it was still raining as hard as ever, and Carrie had just walked out without a raincoat, or even an umbrella. "What the hell is she doing? It's still raining!" Ichigo left the table and followed the blonde out the door.

"Hey, you haven't been excused!" Mr. Kurosaki yelled, his mouth full of egg.

"Don't talk with your mouth full!" Yuzu scolded him, smaking his hand with a wooden spoon.

"So much like your mother…." Mr. Kurosaki said with a sad look on his face, rubbing his hand.

Ichigo carefully removed the door from the doorway and looked outside to find just what he was expecting. Carrie hadn't gone far; she was standing in front of the door, looking up at the sky. It was still pouring rain, so in the short amount of time she was out there, she was soaking wet. Her ankle-length hair had flattened out and clung to her face and legs and her green graphic tee and sweat pants clung tightly to her body. Ichigo grabbed an umbrella propped against the wall, opened it, and followed her outside.

"Get back in here!" Ichigo commanded. "You're soaking wet!"

"So this is rain…" Carrie said, still looking up. Ichigo put the umbrella over Carrie's head, but she shoved it away.

"Yeah, we had this discussion earlier this morning…" He watched Carrie as she continued to stare up at the sky, rain pouring all over both of them. "If you're not coming in, I'm going back inside." Ichigo turned to walk back in the house.

Startled by a distant rumble of thunder, Carrie bolted ahead of Ichigo, plowing through the screen door and nearly knocking Ichigo into a mud puddle with her tail.

"Hey, watch it! And get back here! You're dripping water all over the floor!"

"What was that!?" Carrie asked, her tail wrapped loosely around her legs.

"What? Oh, you mean the thunder. It's just noise."

"A loud scary noise!"

"It can't hurt you. It's just a noise." Carrie perked back up, then remembered she was now soaking wet.

"I'll go get you a towel," Yuzu said. But, instead of waiting for a towel, Carrie just shook her head violently, sending her long hair flailing wildly, knocking over bookshelves and drenching Ichigo in rainwater.

"All dry!" Carrie said as the spikes in her hair slowly regained their shape.

Ichigo scowled at Carrie, but decided yelling wouldn't do him any good. He grabbed a towel from his younger sister and dried off. Carrie watched him for a minute, but something on the other side of the living room caught her eye and she wandered off, her clothes still dripping wet.

"Hey, get back here and dry off! You're making a mess…"

"I'll get a mop…" Yuzu made her way to the kitchen to find the mop, Carrie tagging along behind, still dripping water everywhere. The tip of her tail twitched as she went, splattering water all over the walls and knocking a few picture frames off the wall.

Ichigo groaned, then bent over to pick up the mess. It had been like this since last Friday. Carrie was quite destructive despite her looks. Suddenly, one of the frames began levitating off the ground. Ichigo jumped back a bit, but then saw that it was just Kon.

"What are you doing under there?" Ichigo asked the stuffed animal.

"Trying to get a good upskirt shot for my album…" He said. "Ive almost got enough to make a calendar!"

"You're supposed to stay upstairs in my room!" Ichigo grabbed the living toy and squeezed its head, making it squeak.

"Hey, you can't blame me for wanting to get a peek!"

"I thought you didn't like her after she bit off half your head…"

"I still don't… But wow, what a rack on her!"

"You little pervert!" Ichigo squeezed Kon's head harder, making him squeak again. Kon yelled in pain. "Keep acting up and you'll be staying in Yuzu's room!"

"Okay, okay! Anything but that! I'll be good! I promise!"

"You better," Ichigo threatened, staring down the stuffed lion doll. Kon wasted little time in scrambling back upstairs, leaving Ichigo alone in the room.  
"Annoying little…."

A loud crash interrupted the teen. Thinking it was (once again) Carrie, he turned around, but saw three familiar faces standing in his doorway.

"Erm, sorry about your door, Kurosaki," one of the visitors said, pushing up his glasses in a distinguished manner. "I did not expect it to be as weak as you…"

"You come to start something, Uryuu!?" Ichigo growled.

"Any particular reason your place looks like a dump, Strawberry?" The second of Ichigo's  
visitors asked mockingly, looking around at all the broken glass, pictures, and knick-knacks littering the floor.

"Says the guy who comes barging in unannounced! And don't call me that…"

"Renji's got a point…" The third and shortest visitor replied.

"Maybe if you would've called first, I would have had a chance to clean up before you came!" Ichigo yelled.

"Relax, Kurosaki," Uryuu said calmly. "You should be thankful we came to visit you at all…"

"Well, what is it you three want?"

"Ichigo, don't be rude!" Mr. Kurosaki yelled from upstairs.

"You're supposed to be working!" Ichigo screamed back.

"Watch out, the floor's wet," the shorter visitor said. Immediately after she mentioned it, Renji nearly slipped on a puddle of water, but caught himself. "Told you!"

"Shut up, midget!"

"What did you call me!?"

"Anyway, we were instructed by Soul Society to check on the status of your house guest, not like we Quincies have anything to do with you Soul Reapers…." Uryuu said, adjusting his glasses. He then turned to the other two, who were pulling at each other's faces. "Rukia, Renji, stop behaving like children! Soul Reapers…" The two of them just glared at each other and composed themselves.

"So, you've come to check on that thing Soul Society dumped on me? She's in the kitchen right now."

"You've enrolled her at the high school right? That was part of your instructions," Rukia pointed out. She then glared at Ichigo. "You didn't forget, did you!?"

"Of course not…" Ichigo grumbled. He held up some papers, which had a corner bitten off them. "Here are her enrollment papers, school schedule, and student handbook." Ichigo then tossed the papers on the coffee table nonchalantly.

"Now on to business," Uryuu added. "Where is Miss Carrie?" Uryuu then gazed at the bite marks riddling the furniture. He picked up a half-eaten wooden table leg and asked, "You have been feeding her, haven't you?"

"Of course I have," Ichigo rebutted. "She just tries to eat every damn thing she can get her hands on…"

"Answer the first question," Rukia demanded. "Where is Carrie?"

"In the kitchen with Yuzu. And what's with the hostilities?"

"We need visual confirmation," Rukia replied. "Soul Society's orders."

"Fine, follow me," Ichigo responded angrily, leading his guests into the kitchen.

"Watch your step!" Yuzu yelled as Ichigo slid face-first onto the floor. Rukia and Renji laughed at him.

"Shut up!" Ichigo yelled, obviously in pain. He stood to his feet, now soaking wet from the puddle he slipped on.

"I warned you." Yuzu went back to mopping, Carrie watching her curiously. She then noticed the three new faces standing in the room.

"Yay, visitors!" She yelled happily.

"Hi, Carrie!" Rukia said as Carrie ran up to them, nearly slipping on the wet floor.

"Hi-hi!" Carrie replied, smiling warmly.

"Let's go to the living room before someone falls again," Ichigo interrupted, nearly falling on his ass again. Carrie happily lead the way, immediately turning on the TV and plopping down on the floor. Ichigo then grabbed the remote and turned it back off again, much to the tailed girl's disappointment.

"Aw, no fair," Carrie groaned.

"Miss Carrie, why don't you sit on the couch so we can talk better?" Uryuu said cooly, sitting in a recliner.

"Okay!" Carrie replied, sitting between Renji and Rukia, who were pulling each other's faces again. Renji then pulled out a pen and paper.

"Okay, Ichigo and erm, Carrie is it?" Renji said, Rukia still pulling at his left cheek. "Would you let me go!?"

"I was supposed to be asking the questions!" Rukia screamed, still pulling at Renji's face.

"I told you that I was!" Renji answered, kicking Rukia in the face.

Carrie merely giggled at them and cried, "My turn!" She then grabbed both their faces and pulled, accidentally slamming their heads together hard. "Oops….too hard…"

"Carrie, look what you did!" Ichigo scolded her.

"Aw, I'm sorry…" Carrie sunk back in the couch and pouted. "I didn't mean it…"

"We're okay," Rukia said, regaining her senses. She had a huge bump and a dazed look in her eyes however.

"Yeah, let's continue…" Renji added, with the same sized bump.

"Maybe I should take over," Uryuu said, taking the pen and paper from Renji. "Okay now, Miss Carrie, tell us what you think of Earth life?"

"It's weird…" Carrie answered. "But really fun! Water falls from the sky, there's all kinds of stuff to eat, and there's this thing called the TV-box that you watch all day!"

"Interesting…" Uryuu replied, jotting something down. He gave Ichigo an unimpressed look. "Now, has Kurosaki taught you anything about Earth life other than eating and watching television? Like how to properly behave in public?"

"Yeah, I…"

"No, not really…" Carrie butted in, interrupting Ichigo. "You're talking about the orange-haired guy, right?"

"Yes. So he hasn't taught you anything about how to act when you go to school tomorrow or when you're out in public…" Uryuu shook his head in disappointment and jotted something down.

"You're neglecting your duties, Strawberry!" Renji yelled.

"Yeah!" Rukia added.

"Yeah!" Carrie parroted, imitating Rukia.

"I'm trying, but she won't listen to me!" Ichigo raged. It's like talking to a brick!" He pointed at Carrie. "I don't even think this….monster…has a functioning brain!" Carrie stared at his finger, and watched carefully as he retracted it. She then stared at him curiously, a bit of drool hanging from the corner of her mouth.

"Ichigo…" Rukia said, rebuking the orange-haired teen.

"No wonder you haven't taught her anything," Uryuu added, jotting something down on the paper. "Screaming at someone is a terrible way to teach them anything."

"Well, maybe I'm not a good teacher… You should've had her stay with Chad or Inoue instead!"

"That wasn't our choice…" Renji said. "And Chad is busy with work and Inoue's landlord doesn't want her to have another person stay in the same apartment as her for a long period of time. You know that!" Ichigo grumbled and sunk back in his seat.

"I feel like I'm on trial, or something…." He muttered.

"Now let's continue. Miss Carrie." Carrie stopped chewing on a magazine and turned to the Quincy. "How does Ichigo treat you while you're staying here?"

"Who?" Carrie asked.

"Orange-hair," Uryuu answered.

"Oh, orange hair! He's over there!" Carrie pointed to Ichigo, who was still slumped back  
in his chair. Carrie's smile then collapsed into a frown. "He yells at me a lot."

"We figured that," Renji answered.

"And he makes this face, like this." Carrie then imitated Ichigo's angry face.

"Heh, you look just like him!" Rukia smirked.

"Shut up!" Ichigo yelled.

"But," Carrie continued, "He's really funny! And he feeds me good food, and he showed me  
this…" Carrie turned the TV on, where there was some sort of action movie playing with people fighting and stuff blowing up.

"Kinda…violent," Uryuu added, jotting something down on the paper. "The Soul Society  
isn't going to like this. They may even remove your status as a substitute shinigami…"

"What?" Ichigo gasped. "Lemme see that paper!" Ichigo snatched the paper from Uryuu, which merely had a few doodles on it and "KUROSAKI IS AN IMBECILE" written and circled under each question. "What the hell is this!? Is this some kind of joke?" Ichigo threw the paper at Uryuu.

"This is serious, Ichigo!" Rukia said, standing to her feet. "Carrie can't stand out in any way! If she doesn't blend in with normal humans, those guys we were warned about could come after her and someone could get hurt!"

"You honestly think anyone's not gonna notice a girl with a tail walking down the street!?" Ichigo yelled back.

"Medical condition," Rukia answered, shoving an official looking medical record in front of Ichigo, listing the tail as a "birth defect."

"I can't believe this…" Ichigo sat back down, staring at the fake records. "Anyway, why does she even have to blend in anyway? Won't whoever's after her know what she is just by looking at her? She doesn't exactly blend in. And why don't we just find these guys and beat them, or something."

"Because, Ichigo," Renji replied, "They're not ghosts or hollows, so they don't have any known way of hiding. They're poachers of some kind. Soul Society couldn't give us any specifics."

"What is she?" Ichigo whispered, staring at Carrie, who seemed to be hypnotized by the TV.

"A Sepian," Rukia answered. "You didn't even study that data chip we gave you, did you?"

"I looked at it, but it's in another language. I don't understand Martian!"

"She's not a Martian…" Renji added.

"Whatever," Ichigo answered coldly. "So, what was this 'interview' about anyway?"

"To see how well Carrie is adapting to her new environment," Rukia answered. "We'll be visiting every couple of days to see how she progresses. Meanwhile, it's your job to keep her safe and out of trouble for the next four weeks."

"A whole month..." Ichigo grumbled. "I'm gonna need more food." Carrie reached for a picture frame sitting on the coffee table and took a bite out of it as she continued to stare at the TV.


End file.
